No Shirt, No Shoes...No Problem! by Jeff Foxworthy

Author:Jeff Foxworthy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hachette Books

While we’re on the subject of women here’s a classic story I’ve been dying to tell for a couple chapters already. Now that we’re all grown-up, I think this is finally the place.

I was with another friend of mine, Wally Pace, at the Monday Night Football Game, watching the Falcons play the Rams at Fulton County Stadium. We were drinking boilermakers at the food concourse with some of my coworkers from Kroger. We quickly got as drunk as coots, sang beer songs, and leered at the local scenery. Then a woman in a green dress walked by. Wally said, “Hey! Do you believe in love at first sight?” She turned around and kind of laughed, and said, “I don’t know.” Wally stood up, wobbled over to her, and kissed her!

When they finally quit kissing he said, “Do you think it’s love or lust.”

She laughed again and said, “I don’t know.”

He said, “Do you want to go in the parking lot and find out?”

She said, “Why not?”

And they took off, leaving us to stand there with boilermakers in our hands, and our mouths hanging wide open. I know we all had the same thought: “This does not happen to anybody.”

Halfway through the fourth quarter we saw little drunk Wally at the bottom of the steps, trying to find our seats. He ran up. Eddie Harlen said, “You didn’t do it.” Wally made Eddie smell the perfume on his shirt and elsewhere, and said, “Tell me I didn’t do it!”

According to Pace the story went something like this: “We walked out of the stadium and I’m thinking, Where am I gonna do this? At first we thought about doing it on the grass outside but figured no, we’ll surely get caught. Then I saw a bus driver sitting in his bus with the door open. She walked in front of me and over her head I waved at him, and signaled: ‘Me, her, boom-boom-boom, your bus?’ and the driver waved us over.

“But then I realize it might be too kinky and the guy would want to watch. So I ended up leaning her against the ladder of a Winnebago and we did it right there in the parking lot. When we finished, I said, ‘What are you doing the rest of the night?’ and she said, ‘I really have to get back. I just went to buy my boyfriend a beer.’”

Ladies and gentleman: Casanova Wally Pace.

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